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Happy Tuesday…
…and Happy issue 10 of us! I hope your day’s looking a little brighter with me dropping into your inbox. This week’s been a mix of Peloton, pregnancy, and chaos, ha! A pretty full-on teaching schedule, ongoing renovations (I can’t wait to debrief you properly next week), a lovely pregnancy massage at DAMU at The Mandrake Hotel, and a fun photoshoot with Ben. This honestly felt like the most quality time we’ve had together all week! Pregnancy-wise, the bump is bumping, and the third trimester is definitely a new experience - it’s kicking my arse after what was a pretty dreamy second trimester. Either way, the countdown is on!
Today, we’re exploring The Myth of Having It All Together, before moving into Scars and Support - the second-to-last topics in this month’s Breast Cancer Awareness focus. We wrap up with a lighthearted insight into my week. Plus, of course, the List of Joy and LTK Edit are here too.
So, get comfy, take a breath, and let’s begin…
The Myth Of Having It All Together…
“We clap for the woman who looks composed, but maybe the bravest thing we can do is to admit we’re figuring it out.”
Last week we explored THE MYTH OF BALANCE and this week, we’re progressing to THE MYTH OF HAVING IT ALL TOGETHER. These two are related (they both explore pressure, expectation and self kindness), BUT whilst balance is about the logistics of life: how we distribute our time, energy, attention, and trying to do it all, without burning out. Having it all together is about the appearance of life: how we want to be seen - the pressure to appear polished, in control and thriving, even when we’re exhausted or uncertain underneath it all. In short, balance is about managing your time, while having it all together is about managing your image. So today, let's get deeper into authenticity and self-perception.
We all know her - the woman who seems to have it all together. She remembers birthdays, keeps the house presentable, meets deadlines, drinks enough water, and somehow still has clean hair. Or at least, that’s what it looks like. The truth? Most of us are managing chaos with one hand and pretending it’s fine with the other. Somewhere along the way, ‘having it all together’ became the measure of success. Calm exterior, quiet control, a to-do list ticked within an inch of its life… honestly, this can be a dangerous illusion. I have been guilty of shoving a side full of ‘mess’ into any cupboard available before someone comes over pretending it always looked that tidy. In fact, I’ve done way more unhinged things than that to appear like I’m living in some kind of ‘I’ve always got my sh*t together’ home. Isn’t that just ridiculous?! Ultimately me and anyone else showing up as ‘together’ is often just another word for performing fine. We’ve been taught to show only the polished edges, to keep the messy bits private, to value looking calm over feeling calm. For women, especially, there’s a silent pressure to be both capable and composed. We apologise when we drop the ball, we over-explain when we need help, and we hide the cracks that make us human. EXHAUSTING!
What if being ‘together’ stopped being the goal? What if the goal was ‘REAL’? Real is sometimes very tired. Real forgets to reply. Real cries in the car, cancels plans, and still gets up and does her best the next day.
REAL is being honest. It’s being brave enough to say ‘Today, I’m not ok’ or ‘Something has to give this week’. The invisible load of remembering, organising, anticipating - not just for yourself but for everyone around you, means that the mental tabs never close. I’m sure we all recognise this. The moment we stop performing perfection, we make space for connection. We stop comparing. We start relating. Without realising we give another woman the chance to breathe and feel a moment of calm in the chaos too.
Ever notice how often you say, ‘I’m fine,’ ‘It’s all good,’ or ‘I’ve got it.’ If those phrases feel like armour rather than truth, that’s your cue to PAUSE. That’s your cue to ‘ditch the pressure’ and here’s 5 ways I believe we can do that :
1. Drop ‘together’ as the goal. Forget perfect - go for present. ‘Present’ invites grace.
2. Be honest, not polished. When someone asks ‘How are you?’, SKIP THE SCRIPT. A simple ‘It’s been a week!’ or ‘I’m clinging on’ is a quiet rebellion against perfection.
3. Redefine enough. Match your expectations to your energy - not your Instagram feed.
4. Share the load. Toughest one! Ask for help early, not as a last resort. Let people see the work you carry - the invisible gets lighter when it’s shared.
5. Celebrate progress, not polish. You ARE the track. Every pause, pivot, or rest counts as movement forward. Acknowledge it.
The real glow-up isn’t having it all together, it’s learning to live without the constant pressure to. HOW FREEING! True togetherness doesn’t come from perfection, It comes from knowing your priorities, asking for help (and granted, some will have access to more help than others, which of course makes things easier in some ways), and allowing yourself to wobble without labelling it as weakness. Real life is unpredictable. The pressure to hold it all perfectly only disconnects us from the very things we’re trying to hold onto - love, presence, and peace.
Know what matters most, and let the rest fall away - trusting that you can rebuild when things shift. Togetherness can look like grace under mess, laughter through tears, or simply showing up as you are. You really are doing enough! Remind yourselves…. “I’m still worthy even when things are wobbly.”
AND for the tougher days:
F**k it, I can’t do everything today.
F**k it, the world won’t end if I miss that deadline, cancel that plan, or ask for help.
F**k it, I choose peace over performance.
If this topic hits a nerve, it’s because every woman has lived it in one way or another. The pressure shows up quietly, in the scroll, the comparison, the endless measuring-up. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is step back from it. Curate what you consume online, remind yourself that someone else’s pace isn’t your own, and give yourself permission to soft reset. Schedule gentleness - rest, laughter, music, movement, and make it a ritual, not a reward. That’s how we start to loosen the grip and come back to ourselves.
“Let’s stop pretending we have it all together and start celebrating that we’re still standing.”
We ALL make a difference in shifting the story when we stop performing perfection and start modelling wholeness. Wholeness isn’t neat: it’s the mix of ambition and exhaustion, love and loss, joy and overwhelm, all held at once. The new narrative is knowing what to hold and what to hand over. It’s choosing to live in the truth rather than the performance. So, with that in mind, let’s move into this week’s Breast Cancer Awareness focus: Scars & Support - because healing, in every sense, isn’t about hiding the marks. It’s about learning to honour them, and finding comfort in the hands that help us heal.
The Stories Our Scars Tell Us…
The scars that come with breast cancer surgery are physical proof of decisions made in impossible moments: to remove, to rebuild, to survive. Whether it’s a lumpectomy, mastectomy, or double mastectomy, there’s the knowing that this is what you need to do and this surgery could be the thing that saves your life. You also know that an area of your body that’s so deeply tied to identity, softness, and femininity will never look or feel quite the same again.
Breasts aren’t just anatomy; they hold so many layers of meaning. They feed, they nurture, they symbolise womanhood in a world that often measures us by appearance. So when surgery alters them, even when we know it’s for survival, the emotional shift can run deep. There’s gratitude, yes, but also grief. Both can exist at once.
My very first surgery wasn’t for breast tissue, it was to insert a Portacath (or ‘port’), a small device placed under the skin near my collarbone. It connects to a vein and allows chemotherapy to be delivered directly into the bloodstream. On paper, it’s a practical medical tool; in reality, it’s a lifeline.
I remember being completely unaware of how big a deal it was. I thought it was a small procedure, but as I walked into the critical care ward for my surgery, it was the first time I realised that things were pretty serious. I was frightened, but that tiny bump beneath my skin became a part of me. (TOP TIP: my oncologist told me to wear a sports bra and to have the surgeon mark either side of the strap, with the hope of being able to insert the port under the strap and between the lines marked, so it is a little less visible, and has the strap as protection. I found this really helpful). I came to think of it almost as a teammate, it’s funny where your mind goes, but it was the thing that made treatment possible. When my port was eventually removed, it left behind a small, neat scar that I still instinctively reach for sometimes, almost like a phantom reminder. It was once a symbol of pain and fear, but also of progress and hope.
Each scar tells a different part of the story: The one on your chest might speak of loss. The one by your collarbone might whisper of resilience. The scars from radiotherapy, certain chemos and lymph node removal have their own chapters too.
A scar can feel like a reminder of loss, but over time, for many, it becomes something else entirely. It becomes a line of strength, a symbol of endurance. A quiet, visible ‘I made it’. Each scar tells a personal story: the length, the shape, the way it heals - all unique, just like the woman it belongs to. No two are the same, and neither are the emotions that come with them.
Other people might see a scar and think ‘brave’ or ‘survivor,’ but the person living with it might feel something far more complicated: pride one day, sadness the next, sometimes both in the same breath. That’s okay. Healing isn’t linear - physically or emotionally.
What matters most is that these scars represent choice and courage. The courage to do what needed to be done. The courage to keep going when everything changed, and the courage to look in the mirror and learn to love a new version of yourself - one that is NO less feminine, NO less whole, and NO less beautiful.
Things That Helped Me Along the Way:
Sweet almond oil & calendula cream: Both were gentle, natural ways to soothe and nourish the skin as scars healed - as recommended by my nutritionist.
Low inflammation diet: Focused on whole, nutrient-rich foods to support recovery and help my body heal from the inside out.
Gentle massage, keep out of the sun and keep scars clean and dry after cleaning.
Lumpectomy breast pad: Maybe one day I’ll have surgery to make my breasts twins and not long lost cousins post my lumpectomy, but for now, I’ve found some great pads online that even out the bust area, should the difference make you feel less confident.
I’m no expert within this area, and even less so for mastectomy care, but I do know that nipple tattoos or any tattoo design looks beautiful and has made many women feel more confident with their chests. There’s also many support groups out there too, so it's always worth looking into it for you or someone you love. Breast Cancer Now is a fantastic charity and they do a yearly fashion show where women proudly show their post mastectomy selves. That for me, was one of the most empowering shows I’ve ever seen. There will be people out there in a similar situation to you, who can really help to lift you and make you feel as gorgeous as you are. These scars are not imperfections. They are proof of life continuing, of your body doing its job, and your spirit doing the rest.
Support Isn’t Just A Word…
Support is everything during and after cancer treatment - not just the emotional kind, but the kind that holds you when you can’t hold yourself. The kind that shows up, listens, learns the language of your treatment, and somehow makes the unbearable feel a little less lonely.
One of the hardest things to learn is that not everyone shows up how you expect them to, and that’s okay. It’s not always about love or care; sometimes it’s about understanding. Cancer is confronting, and not everyone knows how to meet it. I’ve learned that expecting people to ‘get it’ the way you do only sets you up for heartbreak. Some friends will surprise you with quiet consistency, others may disappear, not out of cruelty but out of fear or discomfort. Ignorance can be bliss, and not everyone is where you are in life. The key is to hold grace, without taking it personally. Somewhere along the way, conversations can be had and life experience may make certain people reflect, but don’t let it be the sole focus. You have more to focus on.
Your medical team becomes a whole different kind of support network - one built on trust and vulnerability. My cancer nurse was incredible (shoutout to Oonagh, who I always credit as she literally shaped my mindset for my whole journey). My consultant was (and is) brilliant, but it was my oncologist who made me feel safest. Same with some nurses on the chemo ward - all great at their jobs and doing incredible work, but naturally you’ll gravitate to certain people, especially when you’re at your lowest. There’s something about the right energy - someone who doesn’t just treat you, but understands you. When you find that, it’s gold.
Then there’s your inner circle. For me, that was my family and a handful of my closest friends. For the day to day, it was my Mum and Ben. They were by my side every step of the way - learning terminology, taking notes, managing logistics, asking the questions I couldn’t, and advocating for me when I didn’t have the energy to. Their level of unwavering support meant I could focus on simply getting through. I didn’t have to hold everything together because they held me. I can’t overstate how much that mattered. How lucky I felt, and even though I wasn’t the kindest to my Mum at times because my head would be freezing, I’d be stressed and feeling low, she didn’t waver once. This inner circle will be the people who know it’s not over, when it’s over. They’ll be the ones who continue to check in. This is invaluable.
Support can also mean trusted information. In a world where Google can send you spiralling (and wow, at times, it did), knowing where to look is vital. I had the help of a nutritionist, which I know is a privilege, but it helped me feel proactive and in control of the controllables, like I was doing something to help my body heal or show up as best it could for each part of treatment.
Two incredible UK charities also deserve a spotlight for the work they do supporting people through and beyond cancer:
CoppaFeel! - brilliant at raising awareness in ways that feel accessible and empowering. They run incredible community events, like their annual treks, that bring people together and remind you that checking your body can (and should) be part of everyday life. Anyone who has bought my BC apparel collections in 2023 and 2024 at Peloton, in doing so, you donated to this wonderful charity.
Future Dreams - a charity that supports women pre, during, and post-treatment. They provide practical resources, emotional support, workshops, and spaces to connect. A true reminder that no one has to navigate this alone.
Whatever support looks like for you, medical, emotional, practical, or spiritual - lean into it. The people who love you want to help. Let them. Allow yourself to be held, guided, and cared for, even when it feels uncomfortable to receive. It doesn’t make you weak, it’s what gives you strength to keep going.
Ok wow, it’s been a full one today: a mix of owning not ‘being together’, and some really real talk, which can hopefully be of some help to you or someone close to you. So, before our lists and favs of the week, please lean into the light (chaos) for a moment with some takeaways from my week….
Locked In, Knocked Up & Laughing Anyway…
There’s been this woman at my gym for two years and every Monday, she finishes as I’m walking in. Not once has she ever acknowledged me. Nothing. Not a smile, not a nod, just… silence. (And you know I’m big on good energy!) Well, this week - plot twist - she spoke to me. Turns out she’d read my Telegraph article, and suddenly, we’re chatting like old friends. I was in shock! Two years of side-eye and now? Compliments. The power of the press, ha!
My patience has been thin this week. Cut to: an evening dog walk with Ben and Jags to chill out. We park in Wimbledon car park, go for our usual loop, only with me moaning about forgetting my phone, and being hungry. We get back, and by this point Jags is gagging for her dinner too. We drive to the exit and… LOCKED IN. The car park closed six minutes earlier. SIX. The ranger said he’d be 30–45 minutes until he could let us out. A hungry, pregnant woman and a dog overdue its dinner - how did Ben survive?!
This week in NCT classes, we learnt some practical skills - one of them being how to handle the ‘poonamis’. Now the word alone had me and Ben giggling more like children and less like parents-to-be, but either way, let's hope we’re still laughing when our baby allows us to experience these. (Remind me to laugh!!!)
So, picture this: I’m in an Uber having a moment of calm and on the way to teach my Sunday Peloton member class, when we hit standstill traffic - already not ideal when it’s a LIVE schedule. Then, as if scripted by the universe for chaos, the truck in front of us rolls backwards and crunches straight into the bonnet of my Uber. No one was hurt, but there was a LOT of commotion and even more damage. Cut to me, power walking over 20 minutes through London to make it to a LIVE class on time. (I did, albeit VERY sweaty and less than calm.)
Last but not least, has anyone ever accidentally thrown something away that was VERY expensive and realised just that little too late, and now has a husband who won’t let them live it down?! Me neither….
After a week like that, I think it’s fair to say I’ve earned a little joy list therapy. Let’s shift gears and talk about the good stuff…
List Of Joy…
📺 Watching: VICTORIA BECKHAM DOCUMENTARY ON NETFLIX - I’ll love each and every one of the Spice Girls forever and ever!
📖Reading: This quote over and over: ‘It’s only when we understand who we really are, that we open up the possibility of becoming the person we wish to be’ - Dr Rangan Chatterjee
🎃 Making: A Halloween flower display. You’ll love this one! Grab a big rounded vase, add a few small pumpkins (real or faux), and some autumnal flowers. Add water, and some extra branches or twigs from the garden for height and drama. Easy to store, reusable, and instantly very fabulous.
LTK Of The Week…
TRUE DECADENCE GOLD BEADED BAG - Run, don’t walk. I got this bag back in 2023, always get love when I use it and it’s just re-stocked! I actually had it in white for my wedding too!
LARGE CLEAR VASE - To make the flower display for Halloween - you know you want to!
ARTIFICIAL PUMPKINS - The perfect addition to the flower display centrepiece! For general decor too.
NELSONS CALENDULA CREAM - Great for scars and soothing and hydrating dry skin in general, as recommended by my nutritionist.
UNIQLO HEATTECH TOP - This long sleeve T-shirt is always part of my A/W staples. Such an easy way to stay warm without a million layers! Uniqlo has the best options in my opinion too.
&OTHER STORIES LONG WOOL COAT - I am a sucker for a good winter black coat. These & Other Stories go quick! I already have a black winter coat otherwise this would be on me right now (I’m hoping they bring out another colour that I can snap up ASAP!)
A&F BAGGY JEANS - In black zebra print! I have been living in my Abercrombie baggy jeans, you see them in so many pics and always ask where they’re from! I just secured these and will get SO much wear out of them! Best jeans I’ve owned, and I can never believe the price!
CHARLOTTE TILBURY CALENDAR - Don’t think I’m crazy because I’m jumping ahead to Christmas with this one, but it will go quick! I’m forever obsessed with Charlotte Tilbury, and this is SOOOOO good! Ben - wink, wink, nudge, nudge, ha!
So that’s a wrap on issue 10 - Keep commenting, keep sharing, it really does make a difference. Don’t forget to use the discount codes from the last two issues - they’re exclusively for YOU!
Ps - If this week’s words hit home, pass them on, that’s how our circle grows. Every share, every conversation, every little moment of ‘me too’ keeps this space alive. We’re just getting started, and I hope you feel that too. x
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