No. 5

“You don’t have to fully trust your body to begin again. Trust is built in the doing, one gentle step at a time.” 

There are moments in life when the relationship we have with our body changes forever. 

Sometimes it’s a diagnosis, pregnancy or postpartum, an injury, and sometimes it’s gradual. It’s the quiet shift of age, hormones, or simply years of pushing through without listening. Whatever the reason, many of us reach a point where the body we’ve always relied on, the body that has been familiar to us for many years, actually feels unfamiliar. and sometimes, it can feel completely alien. With that, comes a loss of trust.

I’ve spent most of my life celebrating (and probably taking for granted) what my body can do - whether that be dancing, coaching, or anything that has to do with my absolute lifelong passion for movement. When I had my miscarriage, and a few months later got diagnosed with cancer, It felt like overnight my body was no longer mine to rely on. 

There are SO many reasons why trust between us and our bodies can feel fractured, and it’s rarely just one thing. It’s a layering of experiences, and shifts that build up over time. This is a topic I’m really very passionate about. 1. because trusting my body again is still very much a work in progress. I can’t say I have it figured out fully, but I’m learning a lot along the way and have worked hard on processing these feelings in therapy. 2. I know I can’t be alone in this. Before I share more of my own experience, I’ll expand in a little more detail, just some of the ways the trust in our bodies can be affected. I think understanding why you’re feeling a certain way can be a big start in creating change. Whether you’ve been through your own personal health challenge, you’re navigating big changes, or just find yourself feeling disconnected from your body - this is for you, and written with love…

Illness or Injury - Illness or injury can shake our trust in the very body we call home, leaving behind a quiet fear long after the healing is done.

Pregnancy, Postpartum & Hormonal Shifts - Pregnancy is both empowering and unsettling - a body that’s changing in extraordinary ways while feeling nothing like the one you’ve always known. Two truths can exist at the same time.

Aging & Shifting Identity - Aging shifts what our bodies can do, often asking for more patience and recovery. It’s a reminder to release old versions of ourselves and trust the one we’re becoming, because aging is a privilege.

Diet Culture & Unrealistic Standards - After years of being told our bodies aren’t ‘enough,’ it’s no wonder we lose connection with our natural signals. Diet culture conditions us to dismiss our needs, slowly eroding the trust we were born with.

Stress & Trauma - The body remembers. Stress, grief, and trauma don’t just live in our minds, they settle into our muscles, our nervous system, our patterns of being. That stored memory can make it hard to feel safe in our own skin. 

And yet, for every reason trust can be lost, there are just as many ways it can be rebuilt, which we can definitely get into. First, a little more on my personal story of losing trust and rebuilding trust in my body again….

The shift in how I trusted my body happened at 34. My miscarriage and my cancer diagnosis were just three months apart. I went from feeling like I’d failed as a woman to feeling like my body had failed me all over again. I couldn’t understand how I’d used my body for my whole career, looked healthy, was young, and yet everything was going wrong.

I mention 2022 a lot, and I can’t help it. It’s the year that changed my whole life. I often say I’ve had two lives: the ‘me’ before 2022 and the ‘me’ since. It altered my brain chemistry forever, and I know anyone who has been through big sh*t in life will understand.

Fast forward to the end of treatment (well, the big three: chemo, surgery, radiotherapy - not the maintenance), and while my physical healing began, the emotional repair has been slower and, in many ways, harder. During treatment, I focused on staying as healthy as possible, fully present in each moment: nutrition, rest, mindfulness, all of it. What I didn’t realise was how big the journey would be on the other side. I thought once the cancer was gone, we were ‘back to it,’ but as I've said before: when it’s over, it’s never really over. That’s when the real work begins.

Rebuilding a life on the other side of cancer is layered and ongoing. Physically getting stronger has been rewarding, and the results are easier to see. Learning to trust my mind, to trust my body, to believe it will stay healthy, is a different challenge. For me, I’ve learnt that I rely on facts to feel safe: regular blood work, check-up scans (hello, scanxiety), and working with a nutritionist to fuel myself well. My focus is on how my body functions internally, which is what matters most to me. The external isn’t always telling the truth. 

I do feel vulnerable writing this. As a rule, I’ve never shared in ‘real time.’ I usually wait until I’ve processed a moment before letting others in, but I feel proud to write about something that has, at times, consumed me, because, although it’s still very real at times for me, the work I’ve been doing is making a difference.

Becoming pregnant has helped me trust my body again. Pregnancy brings its own challenges, of course, but I now have tools to bring myself back to a calm, healthy place. The spirals are still there, BUT they pass faster.

It matters to me to feel good in my body, and it matters to me that you feel good in yours, too. Our bodies are incredibly adaptive and resilient, sometimes more than our minds give them credit for. Reconnection doesn’t happen overnight, but with patience, compassion, and consistent small steps, we can start to feel safe in our bodies again.

How to Begin Trusting Again

Rebuilding trust with your body can be f**king hard. There’s no quick fix, and it’s definitely not linear. It’s less about big, sweeping gestures and more about the daily reminders that you and your body are on the same team. Some days my brain treats it like we’re boxing opponents, but fighting yourself never works. Trust is a relationship, and like any relationship, it takes patience, care, and a lot of practice.

Start small: everyday choices that whisper, I’m listening, I care. Redefine what strength means, not just miles or muscles, but rest, stillness, and the courage to begin again. When the pull of your ‘old body’ creeps in, come back to gratitude: thank your body for carrying you through this day. Let movement feel like a conversation rather than a demand - some days it’s sweat and power, others softness and stretch, both equally valuable. Above all, give it TIME. That is the best gift. Healing isn’t linear. Some days you’ll feel strong, others you’ll feel stuck, but neither defines the whole story. Trust grows slowly. 

I totally appreciate that as you’ve been reading this, you might be thinking ‘That all sounds great, but I’m just not there yet.’ I know at a certain time in life, I would’ve had exactly that feeling, I probably wouldn’t have been able to read this to be honest and if that’s where you are, I want you to know, that’s okay. Trust isn’t something you can force. It’s not a switch you flick, your timeline is YOUR timeline. If trust feels far away right now, here are a few gentle places to begin: start smaller. You don’t have to love your body today, even saying, ‘This is my body, it’s carrying me through’ can be the bridge to something kinder. Anchor yourself in the basics: breathing, walking, hugging someone you love. These aren’t little things, they’re proof of life happening in your body, and they matter. Don’t think in months, keep the timeline shorter -  just ask, ‘What’s one kind thing I can do for my body TODAY?’ and if you can’t see the way forward yet, borrow hope from others who’ve been there. Their stories are proof that trust is possible, even when you can’t feel it for yourself.

Trust will come. Sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once. But it will, and rebuilding it isn’t about chasing the version of yourself you once were. You won’t be that version of you again. That’s OK. It’s about meeting yourself exactly where you are now, and choosing compassion over comparison. Our bodies carry our stories: every scar, every stretch, every story. When we honour that, the relationship softens. Slowly, we remember and try to hold onto the fact that this body is not the enemy, it’s home and it does amazing things for us every day. 

“Healing starts when we stop demanding our body be who it once was, and begin listening to who it is now.”

I want to shift us into something that feels lighter, but just as powerful: the beauty of small wins, and how they add up to something far bigger than we realise.

I am EXHAUSTED! I woke up one day a couple of weeks ago and decided, ‘the countdown is on’. Now, I am not at the stage of folding baby grows and wandering around the nursery looking lovingly at every perfectly placed piece of baby attire, I am knee deep in clutter, deep cleaning, and re-arranging every item in our house. Every item, in every drawer, in every cupboard, in every wardrobe, in every corner and it must be done in every spare moment. Saturdays: full dedication to the matter. I am under the bed, in the back of cupboards, you name it, because my brain is literally telling me we (yes, I’ve roped Ben into the madness, and my Mum too) can’t rest until it’s done. In reality, the baby will not know, nor care what the insides of the cupboards are like, but I KNOW and I am on a mission. 

Is this normal?! Please send me your most unhinged nesting stories so I can share some in next week's issue. I know there will be some fantastic ones in the mix! I am just so shocked that my idea of nesting was getting all cosy, bunkering down, candles on, folding and re-folding all the baby stuff and my reality is a far cry from that! I actually sit typing this surrounded by my living room furniture under dust sheets and renovations underway. Naturally, the renovation just had to be done before the baby comes! 

Nesting is actually real. Research shows that during late pregnancy, hormonal changes (especially a rise in oxytocin and adrenaline) can trigger this sudden burst of energy and an overwhelming urge to get everything ready. The funny thing here is, I’m not considered ‘late pregnancy’ just yet, so where do I go from here?! SEND HELP! Basically, biology is turning me into Marie Kondo on steroids. 

So, while the house currently looks like a building site, I’ve added two extra spaces to the project, donated half of my belongings because I’m overstimulated and my idea of nesting has gone completely rogue… let's focus on some joy!